i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
