She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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