We won't sleep together?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
