I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
