She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
