i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
