i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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