Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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