Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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