i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
