I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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