awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
