i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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