i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
