Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
