Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is wine microwaveable?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
