someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
