just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
