Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
