jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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