chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
