Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
