Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
