ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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