I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
