Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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