And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
