What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
do herpes really smell.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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