The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
