so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
