So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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