So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
