I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
