I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
