I wish I could teleport
this just has baby written all over it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Someone signed my nipple.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
