I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
