I think im going to throw up on grandma
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
