Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
