He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
