Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
