i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
