Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
