he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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