if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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