I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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