i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
