We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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