Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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