well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
