I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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