ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
