great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
