i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
