Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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