Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
