There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What a dumb baby whore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
