Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
