i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
