he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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