Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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