Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize