neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
