So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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