I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
