hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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