everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
