Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
