I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize