Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
